Parenting Without Yelling??!

I made several life goals for myself in the beginning of 2017 and one of those goals was to be a happier and more connected mother. I have come to the realization that over the last year or two I have become a mom who yells. A mom who snaps constantly at her kids. A mom who is more of a drill sergeant than the loving and patient mother I once believed I was. 

I started to reflect back on my “old self” and even watching tapes of when my oldest two children were younger and I saw this happy, less stressed, and less frazzled mother.

What has changed? I think the burdens of life have grown. My kids are older now and with bigger ages come bigger problems. I had a third child.. nuff said! I have bigger messes and more obligations to volunteer at school and just more responsibility to keep up with it all. I had flipped the switch from loving being a mom to just surviving it. Surviving ALL of it. You know that phrase “Keeping your head above water”?! That was me. I was on auto pilot. Wake up, feed kids, clean up mess, walk to the bus, do chores, transport kids to said places, get groceries, more chores, pick up kids, make dinner, clean up mess, do homework, clean up more mess, showers, read,  bed and repeat. 

When I think about it, of course I am stressed. All I am doing is putting out fires, meeting all my kids basic needs and making sure my to do list is checked off for the day. Where is the fun in that?! I was drowning in TIME because there was never enough of it. I was on a race against myself and no matter how much I got done, it was NEVER ENOUGH. So yes, I became the yelling mom, the nagging mom, the drill sergeant. I was convicted and I knew I wanted to change. 

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my family. They are 4 of the most wonderful humans on this earth. I have 3 active boys who are 8, 5 and 2 and they act like kids.. because they are KIDS! I have the most loving and selfless husband who picks up the slack when I just can’t take on bath and bedtime. It wasn’t them, it was me. I had lost my JOY of parenting.

I am the fun mom. I am like a big kid. We do lots of fun things in my house. We take adventures, play games, wrestle and laugh, but even amidst the fun I just couldn’t breathe. I was never getting enough done, my to do list never stopped and although I am a stay at home mom there were MANY days that would go by and I would ask myself if I had any real quality time with my children that day.  And that made me sad. 

Now I do have to allow myself some GRACE. On the weekends, days off school, and in the summer, the burdens of life don’t seem to affect me. I am invested in that quality time with my family and I let go of the everyday responsibilities. I am happy. 

So when I was writing out my annual Resolutions list, I knew that I wanted to work on being the mom I am when we get to have fun, not the mom I am during the week when it is monotonous, rushed, and just plain not-always-fun-real-life. Ya feel me??! 

2017 was here and it was time to put my goals into action. I started searching. I have a lot of parenting books I have read over the years and websites I frequently visit for advice, but somehow I came across a new site. Aha Parenting. I liked the compassionate approach she spoke about and quickly signed up for her free weekly coaching emails.

The more emails I read from her, the more I felt drawn to her words. Connection. Yes, that is what I was wanting more of. When I am having fun with my kids I feel connected with them and that is what brings me pure joy. THAT is what I need more of in my life during the fast paced, life-draining weekdays… CONNECTION with my kids. Rather than just being on auto pilot and checking things off my to do list, I was yearning for that connection with kids like we have on the weekends. 

As I looked more into the Aha Parenting website I realized that Dr. Laura, author and owner of the site, had a book and better yet a Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Online Parenting Course. I contacted them immediately because I knew this would be a perfect fit for me and something I would like to share with the readers of my blog. 

They offer a 12 week course that coincides with her book. Every Thursday for 12 weeks, you receive a new audio lesson from Dr. Laura, along with a transcript, journal prompts, exercises to do with your child, handouts, short daily meditation audios and other resources. 

I started in April and am on week 4. The first week I wasn’t sure if I was going to like it. I am a pretty high energy person and it is hard for me to sit still. She is a calming force, even in the way she speaks and I thought there is no way I can sit here an hour a week and listen to a new audio lesson. She also has daily meditations and I wasn’t sure if it was my jam. Here were are 4 weeks later and I depend on those 3 minute meditations and love listening to her soothing voice. We are barely scratching the surface, but her main idea is learn to control your own emotions (stopping the yelling and nagging cycle), and connect with your kids. 

I can say although we are only 4 weeks into the 12 week course, my life has truly started changing drastically. I have barely yelled (and I have a star chart that my kids fill in daily to prove it!) and I am making more meaningful connections with my kids during the week which has led to me being WAY less stressed, MUCH more happy and a VERY  fulfilled mama. 

I will be talking in the coming weeks about my journey and specifics I am learning in the course. If this post speaks to you, I highly suggest signing up for her weekly parenting emails, perusing her website and even checking out her book from the library to see if it is something that resonates with you. 

At the end of the day, I have learned that what REALLY matters in this life are the people who I love, not the to do list or the endless responsibilities. Life can’t be all fun and no work, but we really can find the time to do the things that we love, make those important connections with the people in our lives and focus on the PRESENT instead of the next task that needs to be completed. I hope you come back to check in on what I have been learning. I am excited to share it with you and it keeps me accountable in my journey. Thanks for listening!!!