Kim and I talk all the time about parenting issues we are having and one think Kim always says is, “I can’t wait to have Luke in his teenage years to be able to better communicate and reason with him.” I, on the other hand, am terrified of the teenage years because I remember being a teenager! It is hard on everyone!! We have a guest post from Carol with some great tips on how to communicate with your teens!
The three major tenets of Taoism are compassion, moderation, and humility, none of which are particularly applicable to the teens in your household. In fact, it seems that your adolescent kids portray just the opposite of these enlightened ideals, so that the harmony intended by Taoist teachings is far from present in your household. And yet, by exercising these tenets within your own life, and especially when attempting to interact with your family, you can come to a place of understanding with your teens that allows you to communicate with them on a whole new level. Here are just a few tips to help you get down with Tao and get back in touch with your teens.
1. Start conversations. Teens are not necessarily known for their interest in open channels of communication with the family. Because they are trying to develop their own identities they are likely to pull away and shut you out in an effort to create an individual identity. But this doesn’t mean you should ignore them until they outgrow the phase. Keep trying to communicate with them no matter how hard they make it for everyone. You’re the adult and the onus is on you to carry on a relationship with your kids.
2. Ask their opinions. Keep in mind that nobody likes an insufferable know-it-all, and although your teens think they know everything, you’ll do yourself no favors by proving them wrong all the time. Instead, remind yourself that you can learn from them just as much as they can learn from you. And to that end, ask them what they think about topics both mundane (what to have for dinner) and fundamental (social, historical, and political issues, for example). Of course, the caveat is that you have to listen and try to understand their positions rather than simply telling them they’re wrong.
3. Speak with respect and demand the same. At some point you’re going to have to start treating your teens like adults (especially if you expect them to become adults). This means talking to them as though they have the ability to make good decisions for themselves and making the effort to put them on equal footing. Of course, you must demand that they treat you the same way; you don’t want to give them the impression that it’s okay to disrespect authority figures, even if they happen to be the forgiving sort.
4. Leave them be. There will come a point when nothing you say is penetrating the wall of defiance your teens put up. At this point you need to realize that continuing to harp will only defeat your purpose. So let them simmer down and then try to talk things out when everyone is a little more cool-headed.
5. Be open-minded. There are many important topics you’ll have to broach with your kids; you’ll need to discuss romantic relationships, partying, peer pressure, and the academic preparation required to get them into one of the 50 best colleges. But before you break out Gray’s Anatomy or the latest college rankings, perhaps you should take a moment to see what your teen already knows. These conversations may be at turns embarrassing, frustrating, and frightening (for them and for you) so try to remain open-minded and remember that while it is your job to protect and teach your teens, it is also important to accept them for who they are and provide them with unconditional love.
Do you have any tips about how you have created good communication with your teenagers?? I would love to get some tips!
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Teens are so not easier to communicate & reason with!! I’d rather battle with toddlers than teenagers! I have 2, it can be soooo stressful. They tend to think they know more than you, don’t like to communicate or tell you things because they think it’s been so long since we were their age & nothing is the same so we won’t understand. They don’t want to think about the future, right now is all many of them can grasp.
These are great insights for ensuring that w have an open line of communication between our children. Those parents who are having difficulties with such will surely find these tips helpful. Thanks for sharing.