Thank you, Marie, for your thoughts on the recent news of the assassination of Osama Bin Laden. It’s always important to remember how sensitive we need to be for those who continue to fight on the behalf of the safety for America. It’s a great victory but it’s not over and we will never forgot the families who have been and continue to be heroes for our country. A special thanks goes out to all the military moms who also fight on the front lines to keep their families together and stay positive while their spouses risk their lives on daily basis for us. It’s easy to forget the impact of extreme emotional stress from having a spouse on deployment for months/years at a time. We are here to support you as well! -J & K
For the Military Families, the War Goes On
Marie Norman
Facebook is hopping with the news and reactions to the assassination of Osama Bin Laden this evening. There is much talk of remembering where you were when 9-11 happened. I can tell you where I was: I was practicing sinking ships in a Naval Architecture lab. I was in my ship’s wardroom (dining room) when the news of Saddam Hussein’s capture jumped out of the TV. I was sitting in my eating area with 4 screaming children and another Army wife this evening when the news of Bin Laden’s death broke.
Two hours later, I had just finished tucking my two year old into bed for the 50th time when I went downstairs and flipped on the TV. Again, it was all about the successful mission carried out by a team of Navy S.E.A.L.’s. “I wonder who they are,” I thought. “I wonder if their families will ever know it was them?” Then I saw the crowd of people in Times Square, and my gut wrenched.
My gut wrenched because they were acting like the war was over. Times Square, the backdrop for the iconic, “war is over,” ticker tape parades at the end of World War II had a small crowd of what looked to be mostly young people holding a small candlelit vigil. Who for? What for? I was confused and nervous.
Like I said, I just tucked my daughter into bed. She asked me for her daddy no fewer than three dozen times today. Each time I answered her with, “honey, daddy is on a long trip for work to ______.” Then she repeats and goes skipping off. My three year old asks for his father every night and wants to know if he (my husband) still lives with us. I hesitate to say, “he’ll be home soon,” because I don’t know exactly when he is coming home . . . or if he is coming home.
So, I was starting to wonder if everyone was going to act like the war is over. It’s not. The Army wife sharing dinner with me just put her husband on a plane to Afghanistan. Mine is also deployed. I am a little worried we will be pushed even farther to the backs of people’s minds, back deeper in the newspapers and farther down on the web pages. We will be even more forgotten.
Military families are still hurting. The year-long deployments are just one part: there’s the tension in the weeks leading up to the deployment date. There’s watching them pack their things. There’s listening to them try to explain where they are going to a very young child and trying to help older children talk through their complex emotions. Then there’s deployment. And after. For some, after is repairing a marriage, a family, and sifting and sorting through complex and elusive emotions. For others, after is living with injuries both seen and unseen. For still others, after is a graveside and a folded flag.
Life won’t change for us for now. We will still end up with weird cel-phone shaped fade marks in our back pockets. We will still shower in under four minutes because 1. A child is probably about to need something or 2. The cel phone sitting on the toilet could ring at any minute (and finally be him!!). We will still jump at the sound of a car door closing near our home late at night and go to bed with a squeaky clean house . . . just in case the hand that closed the door comes to knock on ours.
I can’t explain the sleepless nights knowing in your gut he’s in danger. I can’t explain the anxiety from thoughts of, “what if that was the last time I talk to him? Why did we have to argue?” I can’t explain the guilt when a friend loses her husband or her husband loses his legs and yours is alive and well. I can’t explain the anguish of watching your husband try to “get on with normal life” after spending a year in a barbaric war zone: the cacophony of his own children playing too much for him to handle.
I can explain how much it means when people go out of their way to say they appreciate what we do, our service. If you want to help a military family that you know, make a freezable dinner. Watch the kids so mom and dad can go on a date before or after the deployment. Watch the kids so she can grocery shop. Watch the kids so she can sleep!
One man’s death does not cause the great grinding gears of war to come to a halt. No deployments are being canceled, children are still trying to understand where mommy or daddy has gone, and flagged draped coffins will still roll on caissons. No President pulled the trigger and no pundit gathered the intelligence. Bin Laden may be gone, but for the military families, the war goes on.
The Wounded Warrior Project
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors – Private Organization Aiding Families of the Fallen
USO
Operation Appreciation – Send Letters of Encouragement to Military Personnel (my husband keeps the ones he gets!)
http://www.bluestarfam.org/Programs/Operation_Appreciation
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you, Marie. This was a beautifully written post and important message for all. As the mother of an airman, I know that this is not the 'end' of anything. But I am happy to see so many flags flying again, just like they did after 9/11. I hope it continues.
My husband was in the army for 8 1/2 years its never over the support should aways be there no matter what!!!